Cookie Manifesto

I

Even a stale cookie provides comfort, a cookie from the back of the fridge, hard, half-frozen, like a heart in mourning.

In the beginning was the dough, and the dough was made fresh, and smelled delicious. And there was much moaning and gnashing of teeth.

II

Ask not what you can do for a cookie, but what a cookie can do for you.

Pump the cookie full of performance enhancing drugs like vanilla extract and baking soda until its chocolate chips bulge like pug’s eyes.

III

Serve yourself the cookie individually, on a teacup saucer.

Dunk only your enemies in milk. Stop eating cookies with accompaniment. Let the thick cream of cookie plaster up the inside of your mouth.

IV

Tear the cookie jar from the shelf, tear the cookies themselves from the jars. Smash the cookie jars in every house you visit, in an iconoclasm of shame.

Whisper cookies to your secrets.